Pastor Dave Hallahans Testimony, Freedom from Porn, Mens Sexual Addictions

I remember finding porn when I was just 6 under my dads recliner and becoming addicted to masturbation from just about then on. I was seduced and molested by much older neighborhood kids for many of my elementary years.
When I became a teen I became very sexually active.

I got saved and fell in love with Jesus in October, 1980. Only a believer for 2 months, I joined the military just out of high school and was stationed on an aircraft carrier in Japan. It was then, finally away from the parents, that I found myself entrenched in my own hell.
Magazines, prostitutes and wild living were the norm. All the while I felt the heavy conviction of the Holy Spirit.

Out of a desperation to gain control in my life, I got married (1985) and rededicated my life to the Lord. I began growing in the Lord and felt God had called me to be a Youth Pastor.
It didn't take long before I began satisfying my flesh and watched God remove me from Ministry.

I would pray and pray for Gods forgiveness and strength, weeping uncontrollably, asking God to set me free, but the guilt and shame seemed to out weigh Gods Grace. I know I should have asked a brother or Pastor for help but I was too embarrassed and ashamed to do that. Besides it would make me look less spiritual than the others, especially my ministry friends.

The movies and Magazines, oh if I only had all that money back! Every time I had satisfied my flesh (after promising God I would never do it again) I would throw everything out (again) only to turn around and buy more porn hours later. I was insatiable, and at times just didn't care.... Pornography had destroyed my life and my marriage. Before anyone could find out (they all did) I had divorced and left my wife.

After the divorce I fell in love with another woman, who is my wife, Erin (1990).
For years I thought I was the only one struggling as a Christian with the guilt and the depression of uncontrolled lust.
I felt isolated and imprisoned by my own fear of anyone finding out what my secret life was like.

After we married, I became on fire for God, and felt God had called me to church planting. (My whole life has been built around serving Jesus, yes, even while in sin.)

We planted 3 awesome non-denominational fellowships. During those 13 yrs there were many months and even a year or two when I was sober. (Pornography is a drug).

I saw God use us in many incredible ways but because I was a frequent flyer of the internet drug store, I knew it wasn't blessed or had the strength it could have had.
I have lived a 20 year Ministry life of guilt and shame. Always wondering what God could have done if only I didn't have this addiction. When He did use me, I never felt worthy even when I was clean, because of my secret life.